"All women become like their mothers;that is their tragedy. No man does; that's his."

Tonight I felt the urge to just write exactly how I'm feeling. Yes, I'm going to just have "diarrhea of the mouth" if you will through typing spill onto my blog without stopping to edit myself. It's been a not so good day for me to begin with. I woke up at 3 AM with a gut wrenching horrible stomach ache and I prayed for the sweet relief of just getting sick and getting it out not caring in what way, but sadly nothing ever came for me. So, I had a horrible night of sleep and woke up this morning feeling tired, sick, and really just kind of wanting my Mom. Waking up hugging the body pillow wishing it was my husband also made me want to cry this morning.

The need to do so much with getting my nursery started and cleaning the house which to me feels like it's never clean seemed looming over my head like a big black cloud and I honestly didn' t feel like doing any of it today! So I decided to just get up and get ready and headed to my parent's house and put all the things I need/should do on the backburner just for today.

A blessing from above came in the form of my employer calling me to tell me that she didn't need me to watch her kids today. JOY! I was honestly in no mood of any sort to do so anyway and was dreading it since I woke up this morning, so I appreciated the fact that my decision to have a pity me party day was now an official all day affair.

My Mom and I had dinner together since my Dad went up to SLC for dinner for work and she just read my mind and we went straight to Wendy's and had a junk food fest. JUST what I needed! Funny how Moms know these things; I really hope I can pick up that trait with my little boy!

Anywho...don't really know what sparked this horrible day but boy am I glad it's almost over! Well ok that was a total lie I know exactly what spurred it and caused a snowball effect. First,the fact that I miss my husband so terribly that I ache for him. I have had to physically force myself not to make one of those countdown chains for the day that he comes home in the end of August because if I count down days..it makes it worse and slower. Second, my Mom's second round of chemo is a week away and I'm getting more and more anxious each day that brings it closer. Third, I realized tonight that sometimes friends who you thought you had aren't as invested in your friendship as maybe you are and that sometimes you just have to accept the fact that people do change sometimes and although you want them in your life still that sometimes you just no longer fit into theirs. I really try to be loving to everyone around me, and although things have happend that make me very very sad I will continue to be loving to people around me, even if they don't give me the same respect in return. I would want to be treated with love above all else, so I'm going to give as much as I possibly can!

Enough of my sob story...I just feel like everyone deserves a good horrible day every once in a while where you can just truly have pity for yourself and stew in your unhappiness. But, tomorrow I need to just wake up knowing it's going to be a good day! I am so incredibly grateful for my amazing family who has put up with not on the sick cranky pregnant me this summer, but the sad lonely me missing Jess all the time. How patient they have been with me, and not to mention loving. It's been quite a hard summer for us all but I feel like our family bond has strengthened tremendously throughout the trials we've faced in just a mere matter of months. Like I blogged about a few months ago, my favorite quote still is "Be not faithless , but believing." Beautiful words that have become my daily mantra.

I cannot wait for tomorow! It's going to be a beautiful amazing day, and all thought of this horrible ugly one will be far behind me.