I am typing this as I listen to my child screaming his head off in his bed in the other room. He very desperately needs a nap, but is definitely not convinced. Lately his naps have been getting shorter and shorter, much to my chagrin. I love the me time I get while he sleeps! Is that so selfish of me? And since being pregnant, a majority of his nap times turn into nap time for mommy as well. Ah, mommyhood...such a joy but sometimes it is so easy to forget the joys of it!
Case in point: three days ago was my 14 week check-up. Nothing too stressful right? Wrong. Since my last appointment toting Calvin along turned into a monumental disaster. The last time consisted of, Calvin rummaging through every drawer in the examining room, dumping my entire purse on the floor and then spilling my water everywhere, screaming his head of because he was pissed that we were there, and then while my OB was checking me out, he thought he better stick his hand up there as well to see what it was all about. Mortifying? YES. Hilarious? YES. Definitely not a story I am going to tell him when he's a teenager, or ever for that matter.
So, considering that debacle, I thought it better to bring a stroller this time, lots of snacks, and definitely lots of toys to steal his attention away. We only waited for three minutes in the lobby [praise the Lord!] and were quickly taken back to the examining room.I decided to let him out of the stroller while we waited to get some wiggles out. He had a good old time opening and slamming the door and trying to climb up onto the examination bed/table thing. Finally, Dr. Rips came in. Yes, her name is Dr. Rips, slightly comedic right? But since I was a 3rd degree tear with Calvin the word rips brings back awful memories...yikes! So, into the stroller Calvin went with fruit snacks, a few toys and his sippy cup. Food+toys should equal happy child. Apparently Calvin doesn't do equations because he was NOT happy. Everything was thrown on the floor around the room. He was flinging his body upwards despite being strapped down in an attempt to escape and screaming his head off. I was already frustrated and we Dr. Rips hadn't even talked to me yet! I hurried and gave Calvin my keys so that we could do my appointment, and luckily it calmed him down for a few minutes.
Dr. Rips proceeded to find the baby's heartbeat and we listened to it for about three minutes. I could listen to it forever! Knowing that sweet little baby is growing inside of me makes me go a big blubbery one. One of those joys I talked about, but in about a minute was totally forgotten. When she finished, we turned around and Calvin had taken the opportunity of no supervision to pull himself up to the cabinet, pull open a drawer and empty its entire contents. It looked like it had snowed there were cotton balls everywhere! And to make matters worse he was holding a package of syringes in his hand! AHH!! Dr. Rips moved quickly and sort of laughed it off, but I could tell she was severely bugged.
Before we left that disaster as Calvin was starting to squirm and complain in his stroller I quickly asked the doctor some questions, (And I am peeved because I had a long list of questions and didn't get to ask half of them because Calvin was stressing me out so badly I just wanted to bolt!), but it ended up just making me upset with her answer to one in particular. "How much weight are you expecting me to gain?" I stupidly asked. I made this mistake the first time, and ended up feeling horrible with myself every time I got weighed in at the doctor's office. "Honestly, I would like to see you around 25." she bluntly states. Wait. I've already gained.... 17. UGH. She was looking at my chart, and looked back at me, and gave me a look like "Gettin kinda close there aren't we?" I wanted to cry, but waited until I was in the safety of my car.
I continued to beat myself up for the past two days. I've been WAY healthier this pregnancy, WAY more active, how is this happening already? I felt so fat, and cried myself to sleep. So, I'm already overweight according to my doctor, who shouldn't be giving me a lecture she had 5 children herself! Shame on you Dr. Rips, shame. Pregnancy does some crazy things to your body. They say you have this motherly glow about you while pregnant..and I have yet to see it! I have horrible red bumps all over my arms, I have eczema on my fingers and hands, I'm bloated, I'm gassy (severely might I add),I am over the top emotional and will cry at the drop of a hat, I threw up everyday all day for 10 awful weeks, oh and did I mention I have a yeast infection too? Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I can't stand it. It's so easy to get overwhelmed at times....
BUT.......it's even easier to forget that it's all worth it. Even at the worst times with Calvin he is my most precious gift to me. And after a long day of time outs and battles he will snuggle with me on the couch and we'll read books together. He'll give me the biggest hugs out of no where throughout the day that make my heart melt, and right before bed time we'll kneel together and fold our arms and I say a prayer, and he whispers beside me in jibberish saying his own sweet little prayer along with mine. His laughter and smile make it impossible to ever stay mad at him, and everyday I am amazed at how far he's grown and the things that he learns are incredible. He is my greatest accomplishment, and I pray everyday that I am able to teach him and nurture him to the best of my abilities. It is all worth it..I can't say it enough. We women are so blessed to be able to carry these precious babies inside of us for 9 months, although some of it is quite unglamorous. Now I have a responsibility to do the same for this little baby growing inside me, and even on my worst days I get down on my knees at night and pray to Heavenly Father to tell him how grateful I am for this immense blessing.
It is easy to forget...but it is completely worth it.
This is my latest post on my blog at MommyTLC.com called MommyBump! Please check out the site and my blog of course :) the mom who made the site has worked so very hard on it and spent lots of time (and money!) so, at least peruse it and see what you think!!
check it out here: MommyTLC
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